Entire Team is Ladies
by AlithiaSigma
Summary: Or, "Meet the Female Team" They're the mercs we all know, but there's only one difference. They're female.
1. Meet The Scout

**Author's Note:** There are quite a few Fem!(Class) fics, and many of them involve romance, or OOC. I don't get why having one or more of the Team members be female absolutely _must_ involve romance. Nearly all of the best Fem!(anyone) class fics I have read _don't have romance at all!_ Also, there generally seems to be a big fuss about female classes in general. So's here's a thing about the mercs. They are the same ones you play as, except they're female.

Sorry if the "Meet the team" parts sound more like directions.

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><p>Meet The Scout<p>

Scout leans casually in a doorway, sipping a can of Bonk! Crit-A-Cola. With a start, she looks towards the camera, reacting to a question unheard by the camera.

"What, ya chuckleheads think I'm not good enough to run around and hurt people? Because I'mma _girl?_ Well, ya got anotha thing comin." She strides towards the camera, which is still positioned as to be focused on the doorway. For a moment, all that is visible on-screen is a close-up of a red shirt. The view is suddenly shifted towards Scout's face, held by her left hand. Scout angles the camera directly at her face at arm's length. She is still holding her canned drink.

"Let me tell ya something. I've got eight brothers. All'a em are _male._ And I can beat _every single one_ a' them. Blindfolded. Hell, I can beat them all at once. And you're —" She jabs at the camera with the index finger of her right hand, leaving a faint smudge. A couple drops of purple soda from her can fall onto the lens. "—try'na tell me that I ain't _qualified?_ I'm as good as — hell, I'm fucking better than — any man. I'm a freakin' force-a-nature!" She let goes of the camera, and it moves back in its former position. She goes back to lean on the doorframe and takes a drink of her soda. An arm, presumably belonging to the cameraman, quickly wipes the smudge and soda off the lens.

"And if anyone sez otherwise, I'll bash their head in!" She sips again, but stops halfway to peer inside the can. Seeing that the can is empty, she tosses the can offscreen and grins at the camera.

"Any more questions?"

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Yes, that was short. Yes, there will be more.


	2. Meet The Soldier

**Author's Note:** Don't excpect sanity from Soldier. You won't get it.

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><p>A row of seven helmeted heads is displayed on a fence. A BLU Spy approaches and looks disgusted. A rocket is fired from offscreen and the Spy is promptly gibbed. Screen fades<p>

Soldier places a BLU Spy's head at the end of the row and jams a large blue helmet on it, while grinning.

-Meet the Soldier-

"Women should NEVER be admitted on the field of battle!" Soldier marches in front of a row of heads. The camera moves to follow. The majority of her head is obscured by a large, bowl-like helmet, while the back of her head uncovered by her helmet is hidden under short, messily cut brown hair.

"But **I** am NOT a woman! Because no woman has ever taken the name JOHN DOE!" She stops her march abruptly and raises her right arm to point dramatically at nothing, which is presumably hovering vaguely beside and above her head. She lifts her head proudly and holds the pose for two seconds.

She continues marching. "My fellow REDs are ALSO NOT WOMEN! This is because they are warriors FIRST and women SECOND!" Having reached the end of the row of heads, she sharply turns around 180 degrees and continues her march. "This is how we win FIRST and go to war SECOND! For that is the advice of Sun Tzu!"

She stops in front of the helmeted head of a BLU Scout. "Sun Tzu also advises that we KNOW OUR ENEMY! And I KNOW MY ENEMY!" She leans in so her head is level to that of the head on the fence "Those cowardly BLUs are not warriors! They are WOMEN and they do not belong on the battlefield!" Soldier jabs the head, which falls off the fence.

She continues to stare it down as it falls. "It is my solemn duty to remove those maggots with Sun Tzu's preferred weapon! A ROCKET LAUNCHER!" She picks the head up and places it back on it position on the fence. "Because Sun Tzu was a proud AMERICAN, and it is my duty to uphold his proud American traditions!"

Soldier then picks up a folded shovel from below the camera's view, unfolds it, jabs it into the ground, and leans on the handle.

"DISMISSED!"


End file.
